and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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