you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
