i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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