In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Quick, to the slutcave!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
