I think my fart just growled at me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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