mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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