The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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