If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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