Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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