I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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