its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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