I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
