Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
