The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
time to smoke my breakfast
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
