i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
