It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
