I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She announced her abortion via fbk
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
