i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
