accomplished twins. life is a go
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
