I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry about my life...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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