I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
