he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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