it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You can't special order awesome
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
