even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
