Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
