Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
