apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
