So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize