I think I am morally bankrupt
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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