if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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