I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
