I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
