just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
