The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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