so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
