he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
