everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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