It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
