There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
should my penis look like a turkey
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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