you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize