I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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