i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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