I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
