We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
