Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
