I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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