sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
