you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
