Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
