Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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