Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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