i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think your dad took our porno
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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