I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize