Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
