i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
