i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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