Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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