Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize