god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
