dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
