I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
