one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
