i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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